Xan, Tumblr Edition

I play games and complain about things, witch of the waterfall, bog hag, has sleepy bitch disease, Trek nerd. ko-fi.com/xandaria Is 2020 over yet?

wizard-council-bureaucrat:

wizard-council-bureaucrat:

Wizards are currently thinking about:

Blorbos from their Orb

Paprika

Bad Dragon

Good Dragon(?)

…Morally Neutral Dragon

Wizard innuendos

Ra-Ra-Rasputin on loop

Shit, now I have Ra-Ra-Rasputin Lover of the Russian Queen stuck in my head

Wait a second, was this a trap to get Rasputin by Boney M. stuck in my head?????

psh nah that’s crazy… hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey (x4)

Please reblog for larger victim pool

theriu:

theriu:

I like to think that at least once, the Avatar cycle seemed to skip the Water Tribe—like people knew it was the water tribe’s turn, everyone was looking for them, the tests are done on all the kids, but like 60-80 years go by and no avatar until some Earth Kingdom kid shows up. People wonder if the cycle skipped a generation or what, but nothing serious was going on at that time so they shrug and move on.

It’s only many many years later that someone is researching Swampbender oral history and someone tells the story of “Ol Stinky Jess, she was a funny one, could light the swamp on fire an’ all sorts o’ shenanigans! Best catfishgator catcher in the tribe, she was” and thats literally it, she just lived a totally chill life in the swamp and nobody knew what an avatar was at the time so they just rolled with that funny gal’s odd bending ways.

Researcher, equally eager and afraid to ask: “So…so why was she called Stinky Jess?”

Cheerful Swamp Elder: “Well y’see, them gases what come out of the swamp in the real dank places, they’s as smelly as a skunkcoon’s hind end, and Stinky Jess, so the legend goes, well she were a bit of a prankster, an’ she’d find a real ripe part o’ the swamp, and then she’d whip up her wind magic an’ waft them stinky smells right into yer house and get er’body hollerin’. They say no one annoyed Stinky Jess for fear o’ being visited by her stink in the night! O’ course, Ol’ Stinky Jess also taught us that soma them gasses are flammable, on account o’ the time she sneezed durin’ a stinkup an’ set half the town on fire, an’ that’s the story o’ how our tribe learned ter harness methane and ter fireproof things even when they’s surrounded by water—”

Researcher: (scribbling notes so fast his quill is smoking)

locuas642:

One of the great things about Holga is that she is a Barbarian.

How she moves, how she fights, how she hits, it all feels Heavy. She feels Tanky, able to hold on multiple enemies at once. Her punches feel like they have weight and we see the soldiers struggle fighting her, using their numbers to compensate that she otuclasses them in Physical Prowess.

She is the embodiment of the DnD Barbarian. which is that If she hits you, You Go Down.

blue-kyber:

The first few seconds of this tell and entire story. :D LOL.

“Counselor Diana Troy. Personal log. Stardate 44805.3.

…My mother is on board.”

Followed by a shot of the turbolift doors opening, a few seconds of awkwardness where no one emerges, then Captain Picard peeking warily out of the safety of the lift looking for Lxaxana Troy. Like prey avoiding a predator.

cryptobranchid:

cryptobranchid:

cryptobranchid:

i think one of the funniest things ever is how many rock and metal bands are just four or five identical white dudes with long brown hair parted in the middle. like they’ve gotta be cranking these dudes out in a factory at this point. they don’t even have to be in the same genre, you can find them anywhere. they’re like some kind of metal fungus.

image
image
image
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these are all different bands

image

i would love to argue with this but you will never fucking believe what i look like

the-haiku-bot:

knitmeapony:

faggy–butch:

I love the word “transgender” but it’s really been sanitized for me. Transsexual though? that one is hot. It makes cis people flinch.it’s one of those words that people write songs about. makes you feel like a rockstar.

Bonus points if you hiss it like Tim Curry does in Rocky Horror

Bonus points if you

hiss it like Tim Curry does

in Rocky Horror

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

dduane:

numberlover1729:

brawltogethernow:

letslipthehounds:

grifalinas:

sashathephoenix:

bailesu:

tanoraqui:

pimpmizziriam:

nudityandnerdery:

darkravn:

garrettauthor:

animate-mush:

uovoc:

katedrawscomics:

hypotheticalwoman:

roachpatrol:

zephyrantha:

aethersea:

nightfoot:

thesummoningdark:

rhys1812:

poorlydescribedpterrybooks:

amatalefay:

poorlydescribedpterrybooks:

tisorridalamor:

Describing Terry Pratchett’s books is difficult. Someone asked me what the book I was reading was about, and I had to tell them it was about banking and the gold standard, but like in a cool way with golems and action. 

 I don’t think they believed me.

welcome to the club

It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.

yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions

A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert 

The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti

It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.  

Macbeth but it’s about the witches

Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.

it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo

The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas.  Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.

these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet

Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards

Hollywood????

An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.

@cosmictwobyfour

Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.

The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.

Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter

Death incarnate battles a shopping cart for the fate of the world.  

@grifalinas

Phantom of the Opera au, except there’s witches, a cookbook that is thinly-veiled pornography, and Christine is played by a fledgeling witch with multiple personalities who can’t stop being sensible long enough to enjoy herself

Hidden heir to the throne decides an cynical, alcoholic cop is the best role model in the world.

Atlantis provides an excuse for a xenophobia-inspired war between Britain and the Middle East but it’s fine because the armies are arrested for conspiracy to cause public nuisance.

the jfk assassination is parodied in the above.

Rain is brought to australia by a lousy wizzard who runs from dropbears, steals a sheep, and invents vegamite

(sigh)(smile) All of the above.